As an erotic romance novelist, random people often mistake me for a sex expert or relationship advice columnist. I’ve never thought of myself in that light even though I can write a sex scene that will have you squirming with need and am a proponent of happily ever after. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that...you know what? Maybe I am an expert. The books on my desk and my internet search history would imply I'm a sex scholar!
What is it with people's hangups regarding sex? I don't understand. Grown women get all giggly when talking to me about the basic of things, explaining that they've been taught that there's a fine line between whore and lady. Well, don't you remember that saying about being a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom? I can't recall it exactly, but there is nothing wrong at all with losing your inhibitions with your lover.
Sex is a primal act, yet some people restrain themselves from letting loose because of inhibitions or false beliefs that getting vocal might mean they’re less than respectable. But let’s think about this carefully, if you’ve gotten naked and are comfortable enough with someone to be getting intimate, then what’s the problem with voicing your desire?
Tell your lover what feels good--feedback is better than being left clueless and gives him/her permission to do the same with you. Wouldn’t you rather enjoy making love and know that you’re giving pleasure in return? Say “I love it when you do___” or “it feels so good when you___”. Everyone loves positive reinforcement!
Still feeling shy? Fake confidence at first---channel a character from a romance novel and go for it. Faking confidence is better than faking...something else. *wink*
Words not your thing when you’re caught up in passion? Go for the moans, the mmm’s, the ahh’s. Like I said, sex itself is a primal act. Sound stimulates the animal instinct that burns inside of us. Let it out! Not only will making the most basic of sounds stimulate your lover, you’ll trick yourself into being more aroused.
Speaking of arousal, a fun game to play while you’re in the foreplay stage and when the clothes are still on is to say things like “I bet you didn’t know I like it when ___” with you each taking turns completing the sentence. This game takes more guts--confidence--so maybe you need to work up to it, but it’s a real turn on to talk as the clothes are coming off. Suggestions go a long way to making the experience more enjoyable and deepening the intimacy between you.
What about pillow talk, you ask? Here I advise you to be careful. Orgasm releases oxytocin so you may be more inclined to share your most intimate details that you may regret in the morning--or maybe not. Just know that pillow talk is NOT the same as sex talk. But, hey, if you made it to the oxytocin stage, then good for you! Enjoy it all.
Keep being sexy!
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